Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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