i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
