I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
