I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
