I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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