She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
