Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
