listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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