Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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