Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
40s are totally the cure
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
