Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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