The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
