His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
