My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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