No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
organizing the empties. That sober.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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