I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
