Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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