You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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