The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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