You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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