Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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