did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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