I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We need to get me chipped asap
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
