i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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