Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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