we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pants are for mortals
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