I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My vagina just clenched in fear
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
