So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
