Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
