I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
