At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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