...so i touched it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
