I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Porn is love you can see.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
