I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
