I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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