like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
did i walk over a car last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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