Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
