I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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