I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
