If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
