Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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