Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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