brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
