so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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