Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
