so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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