I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
