If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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