he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
