I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
