He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
