you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
