ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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