It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
