i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
